Shaken Adult Syndrom?

Ok we have all heard of Shaken Baby Syndrome or SBS right? Right. Well I'm here to talk about a Shaken Adult Syndrom or SAS as I like to refer to it. SAS is largely self inflicted and is often less terminal or sevear than SBS and usually comes about like this.

Person to friend "I haven't been sevearly shaken in a while and I have a sudden urge to spend many hours of my day feeling like I have the flu without the relief of throwing up. What do you say we go to the local amusement park?"

Friend "I was planning on sniffing paint fumes later this afternoon but that sounds like as much fun so sure."

And off they go.

It is a little known fact that amusement park rides are designed by sadists who wanted to inflict sever brain trauma on millions of human beings but didn't have the guts to become serial killers. The sole objective of amusement park rides is to slam the human brain against the riders skull at as many different angles as is physically possible. This causes the brain to think that it is in the moshpit at a Pantera concert at which point the brain screams "I'm going to die!" and inorder to ease its passing begins excreating large amounts of alcohol and morphine type substances which makes the brains' host body feel happy, dizzy, and sick. These are the standard symptoms of SAS.

It is with this in mind that I am petitioning for the creation of hundreds more amusement parks so that two things might happen. Hundreds of sadists will continue to be gainfully employed and satiated at the same time thereby keeping them from breaking into my house and killing my family and I by strapping us into home made, man sized, paint mixers. And two; Millions of foolish people will eventually shake themselves into a vegetative state thereby making more jobs for those of us intelligent enough to not give ourselves SAS.

This has been an informational from...

The Lumpy