Simple Pleasures

If you had a million dollars, what would you do? If you had a billion dollars, what would you do?

The answer to those questions, whatever it is, whoever you are, is what you should be doing with your life. I learned that from the movie "Office Space." I also learned that the question is dumb, because no one would ever say, "I'd clean up poop."

In the movie, the guy's answer was "nothing." He'd do nothing if he had a billion dollars. I wouldn't.

I would:

1. Buy a huge yacht and sail to Catalina. Or Hawaii. (Yes, I watch The O.C., no the boat won't be named the Summer Breeze.)

2. Have season tickets to the Buffalo Bills. I know they suck, but the pregame party there is totally worth it.

3. Buy a huge screen TV and watch movies.

4. Go to New Zealand, Egypt, France and Moscow. Not necessarily in that order.

5. Eat a lot of sour gummi worms and drink a lot of kool-aid. I might even buy the kool-aid factory. That would be fun, I could be like a kool-aid WIlly Wonka. With a Kiwi-Strawberry-flavored river.

So, I guess that's what I should be doing with my life - traveling and eating. And watching Gollum freak out in High Def. And watching the Bills choke. You want to pay me to do that? Do you know anyone who'll pay me to do that?