The Librarian Myth
The other day Hipp and I were sitting around watching the Music Man. A delightful old movie. After which we watched its a wonderfull life. We then finished our romp through the world of hollywood with an action film for my benefit, The Mummy.
Now I'm sure that anyone else going through this same list of films would ultimatly come to the same conclusion that I did. Librarians are good looking women. Not that any of the actresses in question are my idea of the godess diana but they are still very easy on the eyes. As we all know Art immitates life. So off the lumpy went to feast his eyes upon the modern working classes version of the Amazon women. I went to my local library.
Striding through the double glass doors I prepared myself for the wonderful specticle.
Jaw shut check
Eyes in head check
Tongue still in mouth check
No drool check
What I saw was an empty desk and stacks and stacks of dusty books. They must be having a meeting I thought to myself as I headed deaper into the mysterious catacombs. There must be a half dozen of them sitting in a circle discussing the latest works by this or that author. My pace quickened as my imagination flew. Indeed I was going so fast that I barely noticed the stooped figure that appeared from between the rows of books until I had nearly knocked her over.
I was so stunned by the vissage of this women that my checklist flew out the window instantly with one exception. My jaw hung open, my eyes popped out of my head, and my tongue fell out of my mouth. No drool. This stooped creature had a face designed by the creaters of the california rasins. Six or seven hairs stuck out of her balding head and her fat eyelids were so puffed that it was difficult to tell if her runny eyes were open. May I help you? She croaked in a voice that sounded like she was one cigaret away from one of those computerised voice boxes. Regaining my composiour I answered
Yes. I'm Looking for the librarians.
Yes. She croaked. May I help you?
I'M LOOKING FOR THE LIBRARIANS.
*sigh* Yes. I'm the librarian. May I help you?
Once again my mouth dropped open. This couldn't be the librarian. She was nothing like the movies. Why she was more like one of the trolls that demanded passage from the billy goats gruff.
But... But... I stamered trying to figure out where things went wrong.
The troll stared at me for another moment and then trundled forward nudging me to one side so she could fit her short girth through the small isle.
And there.
Alone in the isle.
I cried for just a moment.
posted by Julia Reffner @ Friday, September 30, 2005
12 comments
12 Comments:
There once was a man named Lump,
who thought librarians were fun...
He saw Rachel Weisz
and fell in love with her eyes,
but the librarians in his town are frumps.
There once was a man named quint,
All he loved to do was to spit,
one day he met Lump,
Who just loves to jump,
Now all day long they jump and they spit.
well. when were on the trampaline we dont really spit but we do jump and watch eachothers lower lips bounce down to our knees.
We are two really strange men.
The Lumpy
Yes indeed-io.
I was wondering where the spit thing came from. I do like to eat though. There's a desperate fat man inside me screaming for ice cream and cake and pizza and hipp's wing dip.
There's an idea for a TV show: Desperate Fat Men.
Movie librarians are hot. Rachel Weisz is hotter. The Ghostbusters librarian is not.
You know who really tend to be hot? The scientists. Watch Jurassic Park or Anaconda or Jody Foster movies.
hmmm ok sounds like I should try and keep em a little more realistic. lets see.
There once was a man named quint
who never seamed to have any flint
good thing he dont smoke
or he'd be a sad bloke
just standing round having nic fits.
or perhaps
my friend quint is a strang little man
who does not like women with man-hands
he watches too much tv
and in the morning goes wee
and as far as I know hes not part of a band.
He thinks librarians are hot
He piddles in a pot
He jumps up and down
He acts like a clown
Lumpy doesn't sleep on a cot.
That was bad.
Lump and Hipp have a small beast
and they can say in the least
that she is quite cute
even covered in poop
after eating a very large feast.
Lumpy, we're birds of a different feather.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
lol Yes we are my friend but at least were having fun. Even if the rest of the world thinks were totaly messed.
No, we don't! We're just glad there are people out there who act and think the way we ourselves are afraid to ;)
You know, Hippolyta has a point! You're supposed to whisper in a library! And whatever you do: No laughing out loud there! Take it from someone who's been there, done that, and was kicked out...
annie, your library reputation precedes you.
We are all a little...different. I wish I was feeling poetic today. I can't even think of a word that rhymes with "purple."
Nurple?
Cool, I have a "rep" ;)
And what a rep it is!
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